Monday, August 23, 2010

Overwhelmed & Conflicted

Last Friday I had a bit of an epiphany. Hmmm? Is that really the right word? Maybe not… for now let’s say I had a revelation of sorts.


I finally admitted something to myself. It was hard, but once I did – I felt instantly better. So I know it was right.

I am completely overwhelmed right now.

See – just typing that out… makes me feel a little better. There is A LOT going on right now. August, September and October are BIG family months in our family. We have several birthdays, the Sugar Kids starting school in August has been stressful to say the least, this September there is a wedding out of town we will be traveling to, amongst other things. Also in October this year, my work is re-locating to a new office. If any of you have ever been part of an office relocation – it’s NOT a small matter. I know I will be putting in a lot of overtime and it will be a HUGE undertaking for the entire company.

The other thing that happens in October: Our local JDRF walk.

Enter the “Conflicted” part of this post. I want to participate. I want to gather family and friends and have our team be a presence there. But I really just don’t know if I have the capacity to take it on right now. I should have done a walk video weeks, if not months, ago. But I didn’t. I should be fund-raising NOW. But I am not. I can’t. I just can’t do those things right now.

And I feel horrible for it. I want a cure – or even just improvement in the quality of Sugar Boys life as much as any D Mom or Dad wants for their son/daughter. I do – OF COURSE I do. But there comes a point where I have to say, I have reached my limit. Sugar Daddy and I have talked about alternate forms of fund raising… indeed fund raising that can be done ANY time of year – not just at walk time. So that may be an alternative for us.

In the meantime – I have to figure out how to corral the guilt of not participating in this year’s walk. I hope I can.

9 comments:

  1. Well, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! I don't think I would be fully IN IT this year, so I will probably opt out.

    Don't feel guilty! Maybe we should hook up and do some Chick-Fil-A night to raise money another time of year!

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  2. I am glad I am not alone. We haven't started either and I have been feeling horrible. The bottom line is that we can only do so much. There is only so much time in a day, and only so much energy to go around. We can be so hard on ourselves! I am with Tracy- no more guilt!

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  3. You know I'm feeling the same way. I jumped in without really thinking about it and it is HARD. I know it seems like the right thing to do, but how right is it to walk around sad and angry and overwhelmed when I've got kids who need me?
    I may be hyper-sensitive anyway with Liam's one year coming up next month, but it puts a lot of focus on diabetes (if it was possible to make it any more center stage) and a cure. And I have a hard time with the cure thing. I don't normally go there.
    I'm glad we're doing it, but I don't know what price I'm paying for it. There isn't a thing wrong with being realistic with yourself. Hang in there!!!

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  4. Hang in there and do what God needs you to do first. The rest will fall into place....besides....there won't be a cure until His timing dictates anyway!

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  5. I'm so right there with you. Our walk is in the beginning of Oct, and I haven't done our video yet, either. I WANT it to happen, but just haven't found the time yet. No fundraising, either. I'm not putting other things in front a cure, but sometimes the day-to-day comes before the month-to-month or year-to-year. That's just life.

    If it keeps you sane (which, incidentally will make you a better mother) then put the walk on the back burner. It doesn't mean you don't care. It means life is in the way right now. Maybe after Christmas plan an event like the restaurant thing, or something at school. Believe me, you won't lose your membership badge in the D community for focusing on family and work for a while.

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  6. I can relate! Be good to yourself, go easy. With all we do caring for our little ones and keeping it all going, of course we're overwhelmed. And the fundraising can feel like pressure on top of it all.

    I think that whatever is right for you and your family is perfect. There are some years when we do a lot with fundraising and other years when our families need us to do less. It's all ok.

    We have three daughters, and our youngest Virginia was dx 2 years ago when she was 5. Our first year, when it was getting close to the Walk, I could barely write my name for worry and lack of sleep, so there was no way could I make a video or t-shirts or anything else. While other parents were organized and ready for the Walk, I felt behind. With a couple of weeks left I sat down and wrote my heart out in a letter. I wrote the truth of what diabetes had changed for my family. And with Virginia's spirit in mind, I described what it means for her every day. Then I hit send and sent it to my email list.

    In an unexpected, life-affirming response, I started receiving donations and love pouring in from people I never would have imagined, from far and wide. I felt so touched and honored when they donated to JDRF in Virginia's name. I will never forget that as long as I live. On the day of the Walk, a few close friends came, and we joined the group. A very mellow morning, just right for us. And in the end with little effort, I felt my new place in this community and felt like our loved ones were given the chance to express their love and hope with a donation.

    This year, we will be traveling a lot. I looked up Walks where we'll be. So in Oct we're planning to join in the NYC Walk, to feel that feeling of community again and show our support. No big fundraising this time, just turning out to give them a boost, and us too.

    Whatever you can give, whether it's raising lots of money, or stopping by for support, or sitting it out to stay home and rock your little one when the blood sugars get to be too much--it's all part of the same thing. We are getting ourselves and our children through life with this challenge and with hope for a cure, and that makes the beautiful difference. You created your blog, you have already given all of us a gift in that, every time you share your stories, and we feel inspired to keep going. That is a true gift to our children.

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  7. I can relate! Be good to yourself, go easy. With all we do caring for our little ones and keeping it all going, of course we're overwhelmed. And the fundraising can feel like pressure on top of it all.

    I think that whatever is right for you and your family is perfect. There are some years when we do a lot with fundraising and other years when our families need us to do less. It's all ok.

    We have three daughters, and our youngest Virginia was dx 2 years ago when she was 5. Our first year, when it was getting close to the Walk, I could barely write my name for worry and lack of sleep, so there was no way could I make a video or t-shirts or anything else. While other parents were organized and ready for the Walk, I felt behind. With a couple of weeks left I sat down and wrote my heart out in a letter. I wrote the truth of what diabetes had changed for my family. And with Virginia's spirit in mind, I described what it means for her every day. Then I hit send and sent it to my email list.

    In an unexpected, life-affirming response, I started receiving donations and love pouring in from people I never would have imagined, from far and wide. I felt so touched and honored when they donated to JDRF in Virginia's name. I will never forget that as long as I live. On the day of the Walk, a few close friends came, and we joined the group. A very mellow morning, just right for us. And in the end with little effort, I felt my new place in this community and felt like our loved ones were given the chance to express their love and hope with a donation.

    This year, we will be traveling a lot. I looked up Walks where we'll be. So in Oct we're planning to join in the NYC Walk, to feel that feeling of community again and show our support. No big fundraising this time, just turning out to give them a boost, and us too.

    Whatever you can give, whether it's raising lots of money, or stopping by for support, or sitting it out to stay home and rock your little one when the blood sugars get to be too much--it's all part of the same thing. We are getting ourselves and our children through life with this challenge and with hope for a cure, and that makes the beautiful difference. You created your blog, you have already given all of us a gift in that, every time you share your stories, and we feel inspired to keep going. That is a true gift to our children.

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  8. Don't feel guilty. Just do what you can and what feels right for you and your family.

    BTW, the Walk for us has always been an amazing, heart-warming, uplifting experience. You can participate in the Walk without fundraising.

    But again, do what feels right and don't beat yourself up.

    ((HUGS))

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  9. Donna -> DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT feel guilt over this. It is a huge commitment and reminds me in ways of a Wedding Day. I took a break this year...it was too much with the move.

    YOUR plate is FULL dear one.

    xoxo

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